Drink Distilled Water (I am still at work.)
Tonight’s epic match between the sputtering Chicago Bulls and the only team that may play an uglier brand of basketball while maintaining a winning record, the Indiana Pacers, has been postponed due to the Lord making it snow in the magical winter wonderland of Indianapolis. This frees up the evening for the dozens of you who planned on sitting through what surely would have been labeled a “grind” or “something akin to a puppy and kitten slaughter.” Instead, you can sit back and watch Stallone’s 1986 opus, Cobra. Or you can read Dostoyevsky’s 1866 comical romp, Crime and Punishment. Or you can waste time talking to friends and loved ones. Its your funeral. Personally, I am a bit relieved that I can drink my whiskey in peace tonight, without the possibility of Kirk Hinrich making my eyeballs bleed. Salut!