Drink: Hendricks Gin Martini
As my brother-in-arms (and real life) pointed out, with two of the worst teams in the NBA on the horizon, this would be a good time to rest our reigning MVP ‘cuz his back is such a frickin’ spazzz. Instead, he started.
The Hornets have not been cool since the early 90’s, when my buddy Behl bought a sweet teal Starter jacket on Maxwell Street ‘cuz he loved an old lady on their team.
The game peaked before it started as Will Ferrel read the starting line-ups. He set American-Mexican relations back 20 years, making fun of Hornet center Gustavo Ayon. The Hornets mascot was outfitted in a Rubik’s Cube, because… “Discount Mascot Warehouse” had a sale?
The game began hilariously. See, the crowd “traditionally” stands until the home team makes their first basket of the game. Unfortunately, the Hornets couldn’t score. After 4 minutes of goose eggs, they called a time-out so that the fans could finally sit. The Bulls went up comfortably. The only offense New Orleans could generate was from Albo Gator Chris Kaman, who they had recently dismissed from the team while trying to trade him. Have I mentioned that the NBA owns the Hornets? Bang up job!
Carlos Boozer was totally Krossin’ Out the Hornets. Since the mics couldn’t pick up The Beard’s yelps, I’ll assume he said these taunts during his many easy lay-ups. “Don’t go claimin’ that it’s mental!” “The daddy, makes you J-U-M-P!” “Some of them try to rhyme, but they can’t rhyme like this!”
While Booze and a lively Joakim Noah looked good offensively, the Bulls were suffocating on D. Ronnie Brewer had 4 steals and Unit: DJ TrainWreck was particularly stout. The Hornets only avoided a franchise low in points because they ended the game jacking shots, obviously aware of the record they were so close to setting.
In the end, Rose (22 minutes) and Deng (34 min.) were given much needed rest and the Bulls have a day off until they face Charlotte. Can the Bobbykittens be as bad as the Hairnets? Stay tuned this Friday for another episode of “Atrociously Over-Matched Theater”.