With the start of the NBA season easy to remember because it just so happens to fall on NFL Sunday’s Week 16, your title chasing Bulls will travel to the Inland Empire to take the Lakers. This provides NBA fans with a marquee match-up of titanic point guards Derrick Rose and
CHRIS PAUL steve blake (seen here auditioning for That Girl). Needless to say, after the failed trade for Chris Paul and the shrewd swap of Lamar Odom for an ’87 Donruss Will Clark Rated Rookie, the Lakers are not ready for Primetime, let alone Showtime. So what can we expect from the perennial contenders come tomorrow?
First off, Phil Jackson is no longer coach, so expect less Lao Tzu influence in the offense and more “I saw this scene in Family Matters once…”of a feel. Brown is a defensive guru (I love that word. In sports, it’s usually associated with defense, as if defensive gurus are a band of amulet worshiping gypsies who are hell bent on slowing down their sport of choice). Brown’s a nice enough guy, but he’s following possibly the greatest head coach in the history of the game. And there are rumblings that
Kobe some players wanted now ex-assistant Brian Shaw at the helm. On the plus side, the possibility of this coach banging the boss’s daughter are slim.
Second, the line-up is not Laker-like. It includes Josh McRoberts and the latest cyber-money-transfer trend Devin Ebanks. E-banks (why paypal, when e-banks starts) will be in the line-up in place of Andrew Bynum, who was suspended for being… classy to a little person.
Derrick Fischer will start, but has been busy negotiating the CBA all summer and fall, so he’s expected to be out of playing shape. Pau Gasol should be fine in the post, so that just leaves the shooting guard spot. Though new signing Jason Capono is a fine three-point shooter who has made strides in his career, he was still edged out as a starter by Kobe Bryant. Kobe recently tore a wist ligament, but practiced yesterday and will game up Sunday. Whether or not the injury throws off his game, will be an interesting plot-line tomorrow and throughout this shortened season.
The Laker bench features Metta World Peace. He once worked at a Best Buy in the Chicagoland area while moonlighting with the Bulls as Ron Artest. He adjusts to a new role as a bench player and unattainable concept. First assassin killed in a Bond movie, Matt Barnes is an inside presence, Troy Murphy is probably friends with Jesse Eisenberg, and the aforementioned blake and Capono are solid in their roles. It is not a sexxxy Laker bunch for sure.
In the end, the Bulls are facing the strangest Lakers squad I’ve seen in a while. They didn’t land Paul, are in the hunt for Dwight Howard, and seem uncharacteristically unprepared to start the season. They are ripe for a blow-out. Buuut, they have Kobe. If he were lost with the wrist injury, they’d be in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. But with him, they can conceivably beat anyone. My Joelseppi eBankable prediction is:
Bulls 104 – Lakers 86
Kobe will score 61, World Peace will fail and E-Banks’ stock will go up-up-up!
D-Rose will drop a triple-double, Rip will casually add twenty, Boozer’s beard will dunk on McRoberts and Noah will get Jack Nicholson and 3 Laker girls stoned at halftime and have his dad stand in for him during the second half.