I had a dream last night (none of this is exaggerated) in which I was a teenage girl with oppressive, evil Nazi parents who brainwashed me with their Nazi doctrine. I also played for the Orlando Magic, and a Jewish teammate found one of the tests that my parents gave me, where I wrote a bunch of racist shit. I did not recognize it because it was all in my subconscious. I then realized what my parents did to me and went to my teammate to explain. Together we confronted my parents, beat them down, and I told them I never wanted to see them again. While all of this was going on, we missed the team plane to our next game. We took a separate plane and got there right before the tip-off. The coach was pissed at us and asked where we had been. My teammate knew that I did not want the whole team to know about my Nazi past, so he covered by yelling at the coach that it does not matter if we were late because we never play anyway.
Obviously, an apology is in order here, as it is disgraceful to think that if I was ever a teenage girl who was brainwashed to be a Nazi and played professional basketball, I would suit up in a Magic uniform. I swear to you, fellow Bulls fan, I would NEVER play for Orlando. In fact, if I was a teenage girl who was brainwashed to be a Nazi who played professional basketball and the Bulls did not offer me a contract – MARK MY WORDS – I would refuse to play for any other team. Please, let us accept this apology, move on, and continue to support our Chicago Bulls together.
Unless anything news-worthy comes over the wire, my next post will be a very schnockered game review on Christmas night. Happy holidays, y’all!