A Winner is Bulls! A Non-Full Seasons Predictions & Prophecies!

Last year I was happy enough to add more dead weight to the Internet, and offer up some asinine predictions four our team de jour, the Chicago Bulls. However, instead of tube feeding the sports-going public utter banality disguised as insight, I just came right out and gave modesty and realistic expectations a solid, swift kick in the nuts. And lo! Crazily enough, almost all of my wild azz predictions came true. See here. Derrick Rose was way better than Jalen Rose, Luol Deng was the second best Brit in the league, Thibs won coach of the year, And the Bulls won 56 games. And while I did predict that Joakim Noah would warm all our hearts last year, I admit that I whiffed hard on my prediction that Joakim Noah would have at least one misdemeanor assault charge or DUI. So with both folly and fruition ackknowledged, the following are my “2011” – 2012 season predictions:

I see.....I see.......Ronta Hallis!

Prediction 1: Jaokim Noah will get at least one DUI and/or misdemeanor assault charge this year, and everyone will let him “aw shucks” his way out of the mess in an extremely endearing fashion. Not budging on this one.

Prediction 2: Omer Asik has absolutely no chance of audibly and understandably saying “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” by next June, or ever. Never gonna happen people. So yeah let’s just get this piece of awkwardness out of the way right now. Not since they interviewed that Chinese guy on the Bucks during the Draft has a camera blushed so hard. Asik has a very Scalabrine wanna-root-for-him type vibe due to his complete (and total) awkwardness. That video clip proves that Asik is the complete package of awkward awesomeness. Expect big things from him this year. “I very excite to be here one of the best team in the league.” Indeed.

Prediction 3: The Bulls will be the best team in the league. Asik’s difficulties with participles and pluralization aside, I really think he was being modest (as awkward folk will do) when referring to the Bulls as “one of the best team in the league” when in reality, the sentence should have actually been “I very excite to be here the best team in the league.”

Prediction 4: The Bulls will find their Ron Harper this year. Be it a deadline deal, or even before Christmas, The Bulls will get that position filled with someone(Monta Ellis) you can take home to your parents for at least a few years. Said player (Monta Ellis) will form a back-court core that will stymie more asshole-ish type back-courts (Miami) for years to come.

Prediction 5: The Bulls will win 50 games despite still not signing Pops Mensah-Bonsu. I stopped fathoming why this has not been a done deal ages ago. The man is pushing 30 now for God’s sake. Gohn Paxmon give this man a shot before it’s too late! Let me point you to his google image search for reference. it’s no coincidence that the same exact image results can be gotten by querying Google with the following terms: “Rage, Basketball, Destroy, Total Victory”

Get ready, this is easily going to be the most entertaining season ever.*

This is why Pops Mensah-Bonsu can't play street ball anymore

* = The following NBA seasons are not included in reference to “ever”: 90-91, 91-92, 92-93, 95-96, 96-97, 97-98.

This entry was posted in Concise Thoughts, Fuck LeBron, Joakim Noah, Road to Seventh Title and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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