Who Nabs the King? (or The Cheese Stands Alone)

Man, these amnesty terms are harsh.

One of the latest hot shooting guard rumors for the Bulls is Portland’s one-time prodigal son, Brandon Roy. If you are not hip on Roy, he blew up on the league in 2006 and quickly became a three-time All-Star and a very rich Portlandian. Since then, he has been beset by injury, specifically his knees (but those always heal up just fine). A little math (huge contract + injury plagued) tells us that Roy is a strong candidate for the Gilbert Arenas Amnesty Rule, thus making him available on the market. While it is more likely that Roy will go to a team will more cap space, the Bulls are a possibility.

I think this is a fine and dandy option for the Bulls. Rather than adding another mediocre two-guard, I would rather see the Bulls go after high (or low) risk/high reward player, i.e. Brandon Roy. As previously mentioned, Roy has had a slew of injuries, but if he is able to garner a bit of that old magic (he is only 27), then the Bulls can have a killer back court (albeit, with somewhat limited minutes from Roy). Also, it would be fun to cheer on Roy and pronounce his name like the great former hockey goalie Patrick Roy (WAH!). Plus, in French, “roy” means “king.” Ergo, Brandon Roy could legitimately claim the throne that LeBron unjustly usurped. Lastly, Brandon Roy is 6’6″. I think you know where I am going here. He is just one six short of the Number of the Beast!

Yet, this is all trivial to larger picture. One in which a modest news site like this cannot handle, but the Vancouver Sun has the nads to tackle. And that is: Is Roy worth the gamble for Timberwolves? Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, that is a deep – wait, what?! Is Roy worth the gamble for Timberwolves? Huh? This raises many more questions than it answers. First, are we talking about the species (wolves who feast on timber) or the former NBA franchise? They are defunct, right? That was the point of the lockout, right? No? Shit. Alright. Then what would that awful franchise not be willing to gamble on at this point? That team has been wallowing in failure for its entire tenure, GO FOR BROKE! Lastly, why is a Vancouverite writing about the Timberwolves? At the very least should their team not be Memphis Grizzlies? I sure hope there is a follow-up article explaining that one or I may just cancel my subscription to the Vancouver Sun. In the meantime, Iron Maiden: