Tower Mascot: Japan 1, USA 0

I totally missed Slider getting inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2008. I wonder what his induction speech was like.

Mascots are amazing. It is like someone was pissed that cartoons were not real, so they stuck it to the man and did something about it. (I think Clint Eastwood played the inventor of mascots in a 70s flick.) Largely a sports institution, the basic premise of the mascot is simple. Say that your team is the Freedonia Grouchos. Then your mascot is a Groucho Marx looking character, pacing back and forth in a bent over fashion. Hilarious! Mascots are mostly designed for kids, but you try to watching the high jinx they get into and not laugh. I dares ya! My personal favorite mascots are the senseless variety, i.e. the Phoenix Suns Gorilla, the Cleveland Indians um – monster?, or any Olympics mascot.

But what happens when mascots wander from their natural habitat of sports and represent other fields? In one case, the answer is: Super cool!!! The Tokyo Sky Tree was recently awarded by the Guiness Book of Records as being the world’s tallest tower. There was a lovely ceremony on top of a hotel that overlooks the still incomplete tower. On hand to receive the award, among others, was Sorakara-chan, the lovable star-haired mascot of the structure. Why does a building have a mascot? Because it is Japan! No real reason is needed in Japan, only the balls to pull it off. Look at the glory that is Sorakara-chan! She has the starred hair and a telescope thingy that you come to expect from tower mascots, and so much more. You have to be mental to look into her eyes and not want to take an elevator up to a very high and expensive observation deck. I think we will all agree that she is a much better mascot than Chicago’s Sears Tower’s.

In about a year’s time, when Japan flies me out on their dime, I will seek this Sorakara-chan and bed her. It is my pledge to the NB community that this dream becomes a reality. I owe it to you all. You come to this news site coming to expect its writers to have sexual relations with mascots, and by God, I plan on delivering for you, the faithful reader.

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
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