Q & A With No Bulljive Creator Judas Pato

Recently, No Bulljive sat down with No Bulljive to get some answers to the more difficult questions life, and the NBA has to offer. Lo! Peek in as NB contributor DJ Hatesyou plays favorites and interviews the premier/only Bulls/Kaiju blog in the world. (Any other Bulls/Kaiju blogs please email DJ Hatesyou at djhatesyou@gmail.com for consideration) Anyhow, here’s how we pass time during a labor stoppage in the NBA at NB.

Question 1: What do you think of the labor situation right now in the NBA and how will NB cope with a cancellation of the season?The worst part of the NBA labor situation is the interweb and news people thinking they have some kind of grasp on the situation, or worse is when they take sides. I doubt anyone (outside of the owners, and they sure the hell are not talking) knows how much an NBA team is making or losing. If anything, NB sides with the players because they can dunk and shoot threes, while the owners just eat steak and screw underage prostitutes (presumably), neither of which I want to watch. As for the second part of the question, NB is really pulling for a shortened season. This would actually be a blessing because the season (pre, reg, post, et al.) is way too long. Hell, maybe they will even realize how awesome a shortened season is and make every season start at Christmas (Cuz what the hell else are you going to do on that dreadful day?) and end on May Day as one huge celebration of capitalism! And Judd Buecheler can kiss a camel’s ass!Questions 2: The future of the Bulls. You’re outlook, give it to us. Now.

If the Bulls stay healthy, they are championship-caliber right now. Rose and Boozer (the later of which got too much flack, as I believe he was in very ill shape) were both banged up in the post season, and they were a few misses (shots, calls, whatnot) from commanding the Heat series. With that said, every team would love the luxury of being healthy in the playoffs and few ever are. The Bulls have too much of a liability on offense (Learn to love Brewer/Bogans. I do not see them significantly upgrading their shooting guard.) to run through the playoffs with serious bumps and bruises. After this year, things get really questionable for their future down-low, as they will most likely not be able to hold on to Taj. If Boozer cannot hold his own on D, maybe we will be seeing the Jomer in there(?).

Questions 3: Why is the NBA and it’s personnel such a three ring circus (questionable owners, erratic behavior from players, almost universal disharmony among the franchises) compared to almost every other professional league? And now with the labor stoppage, should the world at large be concerned about releasing these human beings upon the general public for more than four months of a year?

Basketball is an urban game. You have to be on your feet in the city, otherwise some bully may snatch your Take 5 candy bar. Having your guard up at all times, means that attitude is involved. Basketball thus becomes the ultimate alpha-male sport (MMA is not a sport, it is fighting – every entertaining fighting, but fighting nonetheless). So having a bunch of uber alpha-males with nothing to do should be concerning. Especially for the Waffle House. Zach Randolph is coming to get you, Waffle House. As for the owners, I do not think they are any different than owners in other sports. They are just business men, and society will tell you business men are bad because they make profits (which are evil for some reason). The only difference in the NBA is that there are hopeless franchises and no profit-sharing. So some jackass in moves a team to New Orleans, cannot make it work (because it is New Orleans and should never have had a franchise), and gets screwed out of millions.

Question 4: What justification is there for following professional sports and what is its purpose?

Following sports is a disease. There comes a time, every year of my adult life, in which I tell myself that I will watch less sports and spend that time with productive work. The result of this declaration is total failure, as I do shit like pick a new Italian soccer team to follow or create a horribly time consuming blog about the Bulls. To top it off, most of the time spent following sports (unless you are a Yankees and Lakers fan) is in agony, as your team probably sucks most of the time. I guess I will answer the question with a question: What is the justification and purpose of cancer? Maybe sports is just something to argue about, and people LOVE arguing.

Question 5: There’s been talk of the NBA expanding internationally. Is this just owners and players pulling a David Hasselhoff and milking the Euro cash cow, or do you think it’s somtheing that’s genuinely good for the league?

Obviously, in any business, you want to exploit any profitable market. Europe would most likely be a profitable market, but I cannot see the logistics of it working. For a sport that involves playing games 3-5 times a week, the distance is just too great and it would immensely hurt the product on the floor. The only system I can see working would be having US and European conferences, and having the winner of each conference face off in the Finals. But even that is dumb (although there are enough off days in the post season schedule to justify it).

Question 6:  Why are only complete dipshits Laker fans?

LA's #1 Fan Never Misses A Game

The Lakers are nothing but image and they play in LA. If you cannot see how those thing are related to each other, you are either not from the US or should be reading children’s books.

Question 7: What is your opinion of Jerry Reinsdorf and why is he such a back stabbing snake? (editors note: Jerry Reinsdorf publicly financed U.S. Cellular field and is de facto a back stabbing snake for life)
Jerry’s first love is and always will be the White Sox. After the six titles (and before 2005), he said (paraphrasing) that he would trade all six NBA rings for one World Series ring. He receives high ranks (before allowing Kenny to ax Ozzie) as a White Sox owner, often spending for huge contracts. He receives much lower grades as a Bulls owner, always hesitant to pay and let us never forget his undying love for Jerry Krause. Still, the man did bring (whether by luck or not) six titles to the Bulls… Shit, I nearly forgot, he is a greedy businessman! Death to the capitalist pig! Occupy the United Center! Why are banks getting bailouts, why don’t I get stuff?!

Question 8: Speaking of Occupy Wall Street, what is NB’s stance on getting stuff?

[Judas Pato has stormed out of the Q & A session]

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