America Got This One Wrong


Is there any tradition greater than bears playing hockey? Sure there are longer pastimes, like drinking the blood of the Carpenter, but none are more fun! The sport is so pure that they hardly need rules for it:
Rule #1: Strap some skates, a stick, and a jersey (helmet optional) onto two groups of bears
Rule #2: Put them on a surface of ice that resembles a hockey rink, complete with nets and a puck (referee optional)
Rule #3: Win

I especially like that third rule. Everybody is a winner: the crowd gets to watch bears play hockey (the pinnacle of entertainment) and the bears get to stretch their legs, learn gamesmanship, and have a blast while doing so. It is too bad that animal rights are so prevalent in American society because it would sure be a nice break from the summer heat to go watch some bears playing hockey at the local circus. The US may have won the Cold War, but Russia smoked us in the Bears Playing Hockey War.

Fun Fact: In Russia, the bears are named Misha. Misha was the name given to many bears in Russian fairy tales and was the name of the wildly successful mascot of the 1980 Winter Olympics:

The picture that followed this scene (when the witch and her minions caught up to Misha) was too graphic to post.

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
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