NB Exclusive Interview with the Pippen Statue!

During halftime of Thursday’s smoke show of the Boston Celtics, the Bulls unveiled a bronze bust of Scottie Pippen. NB recently caught up with the statue for an exclusive interview. Enjoy!

Judas Pato: First of all, congrats on being the first bronze replica of one of the game’s greatest star.
Scottie Pippen Statue: [takes a drag from a cigarette] Thanks.
JP: Alright, let’s get the obvious out of the way, Jordan gets a full statue of him dunking on someone, while Pippen is left with a mere bust of a “Pippen” with  his hands on his hips. What gives?
SPS: Well, Jordan was the greatest of all time. Scottie was great, but I think about half as great, so they probably nailed the scale on the greatness.
JP: And the hands on the hips like a bitch? A little feminine, no?
SPS: [laughs] Well, if the shoe fits… [laughs some more]
JP: So…. you are female?
SPS: [laughs a bit more, followed by an awkward silence]
JP: Remember that part in Naked Gun 2 1/2 when they go to that adult store and the chick with large knockers asks, “What is this, a bust?”
SPS: No.
JP: Yeah, that part was great.
SPS: [looks at his watch]
JP: OK, moving on, why are you an old man version of Scottie Pippen? I mean Scottie in his current age looks younger than you.
SPS: [looks to the sky] Remember when you were young and your mom bought you shoes that were like three sizes too large, and you were like, “What the fuck, mom. What the hell am I suppose to do in these things? Fall over myself on the way to the lane?” [takes another drag of his cigarette] Yeah, its kind of like that.
JP: Enough about your hideousness, any predictions for the playoffs?
SPS: I’m thinking Bulls over the Lakers in four.
JP: Bold prediction.
SPS: Not really, I’m just a shitty statue, or bust, or like, whatever.
JP: Good point. Now wipe off that shit-eating grin.

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
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