Optimism is a Dish Best Served Last

Mr. Joakim Noah had success surgery today on his torn ligament! He will be out for an estimated 8-10 weeks! Lindberg just landed in Paris!

Two of those last three sentences were true. And two of those sucked. Well, I suppose that a successful surgery is better than a botched job, but it only confirms that he will be out. Yet, one horrible truth is certain, and that is the fact that Charles Lindberg landed in Paris. Mark my words, this clown is going to be parading around the US and over the radio for years to come. You were forewarned.

Noah being out of the lineup offers very interesting possibilities for the Chicago Bulls. (To put it another way, sub “interesting” with “horrid” and “possibilities” with “shitfests.”) Any other player goes out on this squad and their backup is rather clear. Do not get me wrong, Derrick Rose going down is the absolute worst scenario, but it is clear CJ Watson would start in his stead. Joakim Noah goes out and… eh…

Taj Gibson The Bulls most likely scenario sees them starting Taj and having either him or Boozer play center, depending on the matchup. This obviously gives them a small front court and, as Joelseppi pointed out when I talked to him earlier, has a lineup with two players play the same position (power forward) the same way (a mid-range post). On the plus side, there are few teams that can boast a legit center, either having a big body that cannot play or an undersized athletic player.

Omer Asik I love this upstart Turk more than any other Bulls fan I know. His awkward turns and hands of stone, balanced with an athletic, powerful frame, makes for quite the spectacle to watch. With his ability to dunk the ball with much aplomb, comes his inability to hit free throws and a T-1000like prowess at picking up fouls (although being a foreign rookie, the refs are harsh on Sloth). Omer brings that big center-body to the court. He also brings too many liabilities.

Kurt Thomas While Danny Glover probably has many great stories about, “When I was your age,” he is in fact, “Too old for this shit.” And by “this shit,” I mean starting. With Noah out, I expect Glover to increase his appearances from the five games he has currently racked up, but he will be little more than a sub, Possibly Unit: DJ TrainWreck worthy? He still has the chance to shoot up the NB Player Rankings by punching Garnett on January 3rd…

Brian Scalabrine The Boxer Rebellion was a nationalist revolt in China against European powers during 1898-1901. The Chinese were sick of the Europeans strutting like peacocks and being all snooty, so they took up arms. For their efforts, they were harshly punished. Completely unrelated, my favorite soccer team, AC Milan, was founded during the Boxer Rebellion, in 1899.

Not everything is all sour grapes with the Noah injury. #1 Their schedule for the next three weeks, i.e. one third of Noah’s injury, is an easy stretch. #2 Noah will be coming back with fresh legs to make a run in the playoffs. The man has battled with plantar fasciitis, and this period gives him time to rest. #3 Noah is not a finesse player. Therefore, he will not need as much time to get back into the flow after he heals up. #4 This is the greatest f*%&ing video of all time: 

There are many glorious parts to this video and I have to wake up at 5AM. So, if you will, please help me out & leave a comment with your favorite part and why. I just cannot believe they stayed drunk that long in order to complete that work of pure gold.

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
This entry was posted in Bulls Getting the Shaft, Injuries, Joakim Noah, The Beard and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Optimism is a Dish Best Served Last

  1. Brian Hewson says:

    So many valid favorites…! As much as I love the randomly applied _underscores_, I’m going to go with the missed layup at about the 0:50 mark. It probably took ten takes to get it that close.

  2. joelseppi says:

    I can’t get past the piece of paper hanging on the wall with the words “BAND ROOM”. Knock off jerseys laid out on the couch with the inexplicable smiley face shirt in btwn the Nets and Bulls ones is also Wesley Willis level genius. I wonder if any of them draw skylines in marker. Also, I am convinced that dude in the driveway smoking is actually in the fire department and was on hand for safety reasons.

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