[This is a Guest Review By Quarter Conducted By Julian Assange and Cary Grant]
Drink of Choice: Jim Beam Rye
1st Quarter: Pacers 18, Bulls 27
Assange: Crikey! What a quarter if you’re a fan of the “Bulls” of “Chicago!” Boozer’s domination of Indiana both down low and from the perimeter must surely violate the Geneva Convention in some manner! His abuse of the Pacers should be made available for all the world to see on the public record!
Grant: Applesauce! Luol Deng and Derrick Rose were spreading the floor just wonderfully. They surely were the catalyst of Chicago’s success that quarter! That Boozer cannot simply be handed the game-ball just from one quarter and simply just like that. Where’s my umbrella, I’m terribly sorry Julian, Rye?
Assange: Please. Great performances are controversial by their nature Cary. The Pacers have a thing or two to learn about curtailing transparency, I can tell you that. The Bulls must have been paying attention when we released top secret Pacer defensive schemes in 2009. Even Bogans got in on the act.
Grant: Your efforts would be better focused on exposing the refs clearly! Rose gets the putover again and again. Two fouls early? Posh!
2nd Quarter: Pacers 41 Bulls 43
Grant: There was a quarter for some spirits, was it not Julian?
Assange: A 16-2 Pacer run……… well you can’t correct an abuse you don’t know about… mainly the information that Mike Dunleavy is still alive and a productive member of the NBA.
Grant: That square-toed impling ruined the blowout! I’d of thought Boozer stopped off for a dame that quarter! By what right?!
Assange: You said it. And you’d of thought the authorities had gotten to Rose the way he played with two fouls. However if it wasn’t for his late push and Korver putting out that fire at the end of the quarter, they very well could have lost the lead. Let us hope the Bulls are free to ring their liberty bell on the court the entire second half.
Assange: That the Bulls were not able to really pull away in this third quarter is almost conspiratorial in it’s nature, don’t you think Car?
Grant: [pause] Sorry Jules, had to put back that fourth Rye, but you said it first!
Assange: I really thought if a few things had gone the Bulls way, they very well may have. Who knows now, those missed calls are now lost forever to the incinerator of the world of blown calls.
Grant: Throw all those tomatoes up tin pan alley, I say! Drinks around???
4th Quarter Pacers 73, Bulls 92
Julian: Despite a rough start to the quarter, it was a very enjoyable 4th quarter to say the least!
Grant: [incomprehensible drunken mumbling, falls to floor]
Julian: Well, despite the establishment’s best efforts, this goes to show you the Bulls will not back down and be silenced! By the way we will tomorrow on Wikileaks be announcing, among other things, that REDACTED PER INSTRUCTIONS OF U.S. DEPT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
THIS GAME SUMMARY WILL NOW BE FINISHED BY UNITED STATES SENATOR JOSEPH LIEBERMAN
Joe Lieberman: Hello fellow Americans. I am very happy to announce that despite some hard falls by Derrick Rose, the Bulls did pull away to a strong victory with a great performance by Carlos Boozer (22pts, 18reb, 4ast). Derrick Rose is okay, the Bulls are okay, the refs are okay, and everything is just fine on this wonderful Monday in beautiful America. Be sure to catch the Bulls on 12/15, and remember if you see something suspicous, please report it to you local Homeland Security Agency or local House Committee on Un American Activities board. Thank you for voting.
Bulljive note. Stay tuned for the next Pacers game in Jan with guest reviewers Bertrand Russell and Karl Marx!