NB Player Rankings

As tradition dictates, the NB Player Rankings are reproduced right in time for the 16th game of the regular season. I know what you are saying, “It’s that time of year already?!” Yup, yup. The top flip-flops Noah and Rose, the bottom remains Scalabrine’s to loose, but one thing will never change: this list is the end all, be all of meaningless sports rankings! Print it out, make copies, and staple them to every telephone post! Let those fat cats in Washington know we mean business!!!

Player Rankings

  1. Derrick Rose – He takes too many jumpers, does not create contact for fouls, and cannot act, but he is one of the most exciting players in the league and a legit MVP candidate. Bless his soul. – Judas Pato
  2. Joakim Noah His intensity on the court makes Dan Gable look like a pussy. – DJ HatesYou
  3. Taj Gibson Every time he has a lack-luster game I just assume it’s his arthritis flaring up. We’ve got the best second year grizzled veteran in the league. – DJ HatesYou
  4. Carlos Boozer Did you see that watch he has? It’s like something Scrooge McDuck would aspire to owning! This guy will be just fine. – DJ HatesYou
  5. Luol Deng – When he’s not doing his best Casper impression, he is a force. But he seems to yawn through whole quarters and has he ever hit both free throws? – Joelseppi
  6. Kyle Korver – His socks/tights are laugh-worthy, but he can hit the three. Too bad he also runs around screens for half his time on the court. – Joelseppi
  7. Ronnie Brewer – He can dunk and is a solid defender. That first part is enough to start in front of Bogans. – Judas Pato
  8. Omer Asik – Solid so far. Has Turkey produced anything this great since The Rock? The Rock is Turkish, right? – Joelseppi
  9. CJ Watson I have no hope for him anymore. I’ve cut him loose. – DJ HatesYou
  10. Keith Bogans – Ehh, isn’t he supposed to be good at… something? Defense maybe? Shooting? Close shaving of the skull? – Joelseppi
  11. Kurt Thomas – If he hammers Dwight Howard to the floor tonight, expect his NB stock to sky rocket. But as it is, he’s just too old for this shit. – Judas Pato
  12. James Johnson – He’s still athletic and raw. I do not see this changing. Being a former MMA fighter, maybe he could knock out Howard? – Judas Pato
  13. John Lucas III – Thus far, his Bulls legacy is missing two free throws and losing the Denver game. Good enough for 13th. – Judas Pato
  14. Brian Scalabrine – Yes I put him below a man whose only contribution to the Bulls was missing two free throws that directly led to a loss. Unfair, I know. – Joelseppi

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
This entry was posted in Age of Rose, Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, The Beard, The Man from Sudan and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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