Don’t you never, ever pull Noah’s lever

 Kevin Garnett is an elite superstar of the NBA. He is past his prime, yet still very effective (as superstars are prone to be). Kevin Garnett is known for, among other things, trash talking. He is very much a player that you categorize as: love/hate. With all of that said, Kevin Garnett is a bitch. A little history may be called for…

Kevin Garnett started his career with the Minnesota Timberwolves (presumably wolves who prey on lumber?) and became a kind of darling to NBA fans. He was an enthusiastic character who played for a team that was never able to take it to the next level. As his career progressed and it was clear that Minnesota was hopeless, Garnett was involved in a coup that would never happen again (until the 2010 offseason). The Celts picked up Garnett and Jesus Shuttleworth to accompany Paul Pierce, and a championship was promptly won…

And everyone began to realize what a pompous, douchey, asshat Garnett really was. When he came in off of the periphery, it became clear that he was probably a total prick the entire time, but no one really knew it (If a franchise wallows in futility, does it make a sound?).

The year after they pulled down the championship, the Celts faced the Bulls in the playoffs. It may have been the most entertaining series that has ever been played. At last count, there were five dozen overtime periods and a bijillion lead changes. A rivalry was a brewing…

The next year’s playoffs saw the Joakim Noah promoting Cleveland as the greatest tourist destination on Planet Earth. Yet when he got time to drift from the greatness of Cleveland, he commented on a suspension Garnett picked up on a play against, former DePaul stud, Quentin Richardson. In his comments he said that Garnett was a “dirty player.”

Last Friday’s game was the first meeting of the two teams since Noah’s remark, and it none too surprising that KG was in Noah’s face. Garnett likes to do this move where he initiates contact then throws his hands in the air in a “What me?” gesture (it is a common soccer move). The move is meant to bait the opposing player into reacting, resulting in a technical for said player. During this game, there was a dead ball situation and Noah had the ball in his hands. Kevin slapped it out of his hands then threw his hands in the air. Unfortunately, Noah did not punch KG in the face, opting only to have a few choice words with the punk.

On Wednesday, Noah and Derrick Rose were on “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. Noah was asked if Garnett will be receiving a Christmas card from him. Noah responded, “Kevin Garnett will not — will not — get a Christmas gift from me. I don’t like him.” Noah went on to say, “He’s a very mean guy. Where’s the love? None at all. Ugly, too.” He ended the bit by adding, “I talk a lot of trash out there, but c’mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet.”

It is the kind of stuff that makes you love Noah. This interview promptly had DJ HatesYou emailing me with the subject line, “If they trade this guy I’m jumping ship.” Indeed, there has been much made of the Bulls possibly being able to get Carmelo Anthony if they are willing to package Noah. While the thought of Rose dishing it to Melo is tasty, Noah is indispensable on and off the court. In addition to Noah’s game (15.9 points & 13.9 rebounds, this season) comes a personality that may only be trumped by the likes of Ron Artest and Shaq. And, in the end, what sports boils down to is entertainment. Paint me entertained:

Gallery of the Week: Last night’s game gallery was better than most, chick-check it! (props to Asik for the no-eyes dunk)

About Judas Pato

Just another hard working member of the press, covering the Chicago Bulls and nonsense - often both, simultaneously.
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