New Jersey Nets: See the Cat? See the Cradle?

The New Jersey Nets

New Jersey Nets, No Cat. No Cradle.

Despite Carmello Anthony’s list of “super most favoritest teams he wants to play for this Christmas” the Nuggets are supposedly in the throes of dealing him to the New Jersey Nets in a four team trade that would give the Nets the exciting prospect of losing 70 games next year, but they would do so with a superstar!

Recently all sports media reporters have come together to sing in chorus about the new magical vibe of the New Jersey Nets. This is because some fabulously well-to-do Russian who poops rubles now owns the team. Apparently “despotic shit-hole” in English translates into Russian as “wonderful business opportunity.” Now star players (even LeBron was rumored to be signing there, cause this Russian has money and no-one remembers that the NBA has salary cap rules) are supposed to fawn over the opportunity to display their skills at the “Izod Center”. That’s not even a joke, the Nets play at the Izod Center. And sure enough Mikhail Prokohovkrzvenhohorov is eager to get a superstar at all cost and give up everything they have in the coffers, effectively losing the Bulls in the shuffle of the Carmello Anthony trade since they won’t leverage their entire future for one player, thank god. This four way trade would be a loss for everyone except Portland, Utah, and possibly AutoWorld, since in ten years this New Jersey Nets experiment will make even that project look like it had the Midas touch in comparison.

However a silver lining in this for the Bulls is the emergence of Joakim Noah as a Chicago Bulls superstar. By doing nothing but get mentioned in trade talks, we’ve gotten the opportunity to hear everyone rant and rave about how indispensable he is to success this season. Which is what No Bulljive has known all along. The whole year now hangs upon Noah’s performance, no pressure. Russian asshole.

This entry was posted in Bulls Getting the Shaft, Free Agency, Joakim Noah, Road to Seventh Title and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to New Jersey Nets: See the Cat? See the Cradle?

  1. Brian says:

    I’m pretty sure the Nets owner is the star of this Direct TV commercial:

  2. Judas Pato says:

    Of course below is what I think:

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