DJ HatesYou Tell-All Date With The Teaser!

The NBA, in their attempts to more accurately resemble the high school girlfriends of NBA fans, has decided that, at this time they will only be giving us the dates of a few games as a “teaser” with the full schedule to follow on Aug. 10th. This theory didn’t work then, and it sure as hell doesn’t work now. However, since we cannot just dump the NBA and move onto another, easier professional basketball league (with more liberal parents) that will at least let us get to third base, I guess I’ll comment on what we do have. I will proceed by noticing what we don’t have. So did the NBA think that a Heat v. Cavs Christmas match-up would just be awkward for everyone? Who didn’t want to see this thing happen on Christmas anyway? Not since the hit movie Gremlins could a bunch of slimy, deceiving, no damn good imps so effectively ruin a whole entire town’s Christmas. Or better yet we can all cheer the Cavs as they set aflame Bosh, Wade, James & Co. while watching Snow White at Quicken Loans Arean. I’d say the NBA blew it on this one, but as we all know now, they don’t put out, so I’ll say that the NBA simply “held our hand and gave us a peck on the cheek” on this one. I’ll drive these references into the ground yet!

So the Bulls open against Oklahoma City on the road. 55 win’s left to go! An unconfirmed home opener against the Portlandtrailblazers will be tough, but a home opener is a home opener, and unless your team name is as lackluster as “The Thunder” (Read the 13th paragraph. Um, huh?), you win your home opener. 54 to go. The Knicks on Christmas, a kingly gift indeed. If Ben Gordon was still around this is an automatic win, however, without him, it’s going to be an automatic complete blow out and the Bulls should win this one by 16 (expect a career high in minutes for Ömer Asik). And already we’re down to 53 wins left to go. The Grizzlies on MLK Day offer the second of these four games where the Bulls have to travel to a city that should not have an NBA franchise. Other than finding the stadium, the Bulls will have little work here. 52 bottles of win on the wall!

In parting, I would urge all NBA fans to heed the advice of one Mr. Peltzer and “Remember, if the power goes out, there just might be a LeBron James in your house.”

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